Save You
by sarolonde
Summary: Kuroo was the first to notice his tired eyes and lethargic movements. Of course it had to be Kuroo: the person Kei respects the most, the person he can never seem to take his eyes off, the person who makes his stomach tighten whenever he's near. (canon, training camp fic)
Every time Bokuto calls for 'one more' the sound rings in Kei's ears and sets his nerves on edge. Every time Akaashi sets the ball into the air Kei feels every muscle tense, in more than simple preparation for the block. Every time the ball caresses, touches or breaks through his hands it sends an uncomfortable jolt all the way down his arms and through his body. Every time the ball hits the ground behind him Kei feels something in his chest grow tighter and tighter.

Each of these things only serves as a reminder than he isn't good enough, that he may never be good enough.

Kei got his answer, learned of Bokuto's reason to play volleyball, and will even admit to now seeking his own 'moment' – only internally of course. However, doubt and insecurity don't just go away with the flip of a switch, they take time to be overcome by pride and confidence. At least that's how Kei consoles himself when this crushing uncertainty claims him all too often.

He's been training with them almost every evening, and he's grateful, even if he doesn't admit as much out loud. Practising against Bokuto's powerful spikes and Akaashi's perfect setting with Kuroo's guidance is truly the best training he can hope to receive. And yet every night he falls asleep revising every single block. Some nights he doesn't sleep at all.

Kuroo was the first to notice – Akaashi may have noticed too but he's more respectful of boundaries. Of course it had to be Kuroo: the one Kei respects the most, the one he can never seem to take his eyes off, the one who makes his stomach tighten whenever he's near.

"Oi, Tsukki," Kuroo had called as all the teams were taking a morning drinks break yesterday. Kei was by himself and when Kuroo started asking questions he was glad for it, Yamaguchi would only annoy him further with his worry. "Are you feeling okay? You seem to be more lethargic than yesterday and you have this bags under your eyes… Are you sleeping okay?"

The fact that _Kuroo_ had noticed and _cared_ made Kei more uncomfortable than the actual topic of conversation. As socially inept as he may be, Kei isn't stupid enough to not realise his feelings. He's well aware of his crush on Kuroo but he's also very good at ignoring and bottling his emotions. Kuroo will likely never reciprocate his feelings and Kei doesn't want him to… at least the logical part of him doesn't.

"One more!" Bokuto calls for what feels like the millionth time.

The ball clips his left hand and pulls his fingers back at an odd angle, making Kei wince. When he lands he glances down at his hands. They're red but mostly numb at this stage and when he flexes them there isn't any pain.

"You weren't concentrating your strength in your fingertips," Kuroo comments. Kei can hear the smirk in it and refuses to turn to him.

"I know."

Kei can feel himself slipping, his focus fading swiftly as he pushes himself further and further beyond the point of exhaustion. It's stupid, in working himself this hard, he's forcing himself closer to that edge of control he carefully maintains. Now he can feel himself tilting over. Kei clenches his hand closed and ignores it, ignores the twitches in his muscles and the tightness in his throat.

"One more," he says firmly.

They don't continue much longer as dinner time comes around. Anyone who comes between Bokuto and food is a dead man walking. Kei manages to hold himself together, forcing himself to maintain concentration on his blocking. As soon as they start packing away the volleyball equipment though he feels himself slipping again, and much faster.

"I'll be leaving first," Kei says, somehow keeping his voice steady even though his stomach is twisting, his fingers trembling as he changes his shoes.

"So rude Tsukki! Leaving us with the cleaning…" Kuroo pouts, and Kei can tell he's mostly joking. In training together the four of them have grown unexpectedly close. If Kei were to tell them he's feeling unwell they would immediately allow him leave. Though he suspects Kuroo would follow after him to make sure he's okay. Or maybe he just hopes Kuroo would. Either way, he won't tell them. He's fine.

 _Everything is fine._

"Yeah, well, you invited me when there are many other places I'd rather be," Kei mumbles but leaves before getting a response.

 _Didn't block a single spike. Not good enough, never good enough._

His pulse is quickening – which is ridiculous after finishing vigorous exercise – and his long fingers tighten around the kneepads gripped in his left hand. Kei picks up his pace as his breathing becomes erratic and he starts losing control.

 _No, no, no,_ he thinks. _This is not the time for this. I can't… not here. There are too many people._

Through the haze of panic and self-hatred distorting his mind Kei realises that everyone will be at dinner, fortunately, and dashes into the nearest bathroom. His back hits the cool tiled wall immediately and he slides down it, his chest heaving as if he can't get enough air into his lungs. But he can. He's getting too much.

 _It's too much. It's all too much._

"It's just a club… It's just a club…" Kei mutters to himself, chanting it as if it will make him care less, make it matter less.

Dropping his shoes and kneepads on the ground, Kei takes off his glasses and buries his face in his hands. His knees curl up against his chest as he makes himself as small as possible.

Breathing is difficult. Thinking is difficult. Existing is difficult.

His stomach roils.

All Kei can see is Akiteru in the stands on the other side of the court, cheering his team on instead of being good enough to play with them. All Kei can hear is Akiteru's anguished scream that tears right through Kei's chest and leaves him cold and hollow. All Kei can taste is the salt from his tears and the bitterness from the bile rising rapidly up his throat.

 _All that hard work will only make you suffer later._

* * *

"You need to tell him before he leaves Kuroo-san," Akaashi says, his voice quiet, not that he needs to be with Bokuto and Hinata screeching excitedly in the corner of the gym.

Tetsurou keeps his eyes lowered on the net Akaashi is helping him fold, avoiding his deceptively observant, heavy-lidded gaze. The boy can read people like books and, as much as Tetsurou likes Akaashi, it's unnerving being the book rather than the reader. Especially when there are things he'd rather keep to himself. Such as his fondness for certain prickly, leggy blond's.

"I really don't Akaashi," Tetsurou says, grinning casually even though he doesn't believe a single word he's speaking. "Tsukki lives three hours away, he's a first-year and he quite clearly doesn't feel the same way."

"I know you're not oblivious enough not to notice the sheer reverence in his gaze when he looks at you."

"Look, Akaashi, it just won't work, so drop it. I'll be fine."

"It's not you I'm worried about," Akaashi murmurs, taking the net from Tetsurou and making his way over to the equipment room.

It's not the first time this week Akaashi has tried to convince him to at least talk to Tsukishima. In fact it's the fifth time. And each time Tetsurou has given the same weak answers that he can barely bring himself to believe, which always makes lying difficult… But not impossible.

The truth is that from the moment Tetsurou met Tsukishima at that practice game, he's been intrigued. By his unexplored natural talent in volleyball and by his guarded and mature personality that makes him seem twice his age. Tsukishima is standoffish and his team seem to think he doesn't care but Tetsurou can tell he does. Tetsurou can see that low-lit flame, wavering but still alive, in the back of those intimidating gold-brown eyes. He's also seen it grow brighter over the training camp. Fuelled by Bokuto's speech and by his rivalry with Hinata.

Tetsurou has enjoyed watching the flame grow, has enjoyed seeing the warmth fill Tsukishima and the way it's improved his volleyball ability. Tetsurou could stare into the flames in those beautiful gold eyes eternally… But that possibly has little to do with volleyball.

"Oi, oi, can you two idiots stop making more mess so we can go to dinner," Tetsurou says, smirking as Bokuto gets offended and Hinata follows suit. "Well, do you want dinner or not?" he adds before Bokuto can complain, which pulls him up short.

"Of course I do!" Bokuto yells.

Tetsurou chuckles. "C'mon then, help me."

They get the last of the equipment away and make their way over to the dining hall. They're the last ones in practically every evening so it's no surprise that it's packed full of the loud and excited volleyball players. As they walk in Tetsurou's eyes automatically scan for a head of softly curled, blond hair and he frowns when he doesn't see it. Not even beside the freckle faced best friend.

"Tsukki isn't here," he mumbles out loud accidentally.

Akaashi actually huffs a small sigh and, under his breath, says, "You're hopeless."

"Yamaguchi!" Hinata exclaims as he bounces over to his table nearby, making the freckled kid jump. "Where's Tsukishima?"

"U-Uh, he's not with you guys…?" Yamaguchi asks, frowning as his dark eyes roam over them.

"Nah, he left, like, five minutes before we did."

"Oh… I should go—"

"It's okay Freckle-kun, you already have food to eat," Tetsurou says, indicating to his tray. "I'll go find him, he probably just got lost."

He speaks jovially, grinning broadly to reassure them even though he's rather concerned himself. As much as Tsukishima seems to outwardly detest the training camp, being around so many loud and lively people, he follows the scheduling without complaint. It's unlike him to avoid dinner and extremely unlikely he got lost.

The first place Tetsurou checks is the Karasuno sleeping quarters, there is no sign of a light on, even so he checks inside. Then he makes his way to the 3rd gym; it's incredibly unlikely but perhaps Tsukishima decided to sneak some extra practice in. As expected though he's in none of the gyms.

Tetsurou is attempting not to panic but is failing miserably. His pulse picks up pace as he makes his way back to the dining hall, hoping that they simply missed each other. Where else could Tsukishima be? There aren't that many more places he would go. Tetsurou checks the bathrooms, though it's unlikely that—

Tetsurou's drawn up short outside the gym bathrooms, hearing a muffled groan from within. He glances about the empty corridors. The bathroom is too far from the dining hall for anyone else to use, surely it's Tsukishima.

"Tsukki?" Tetsurou asks quietly, opening the door slowly. Something on the floor catches his eye and he looks down to see Tsukishima's volleyball shoes, kneepads and glasses, but no Tsukishima. He hears a low whimper. "Tsukki…?"

Picking up his glasses carefully, Tetsurou walks further into the bathroom, his heart pounding in his ears. What if Tsukishima is hurt? What if he's ill?

His fears are met with the sight of the blond boy curled into a ball, leaning against the wall near a toilet stall. His lean body is quaking with sobs that are muffled as his face is buried in his arms. For someone so tall and intimidating Tsukishima looks small and broken.

Before he knows what's happened, Tetsurou is kneeling before him, hands on his trembling shoulders.

"Tsukki? Tsukki!" he tries, but Tsukishima's unresponsive, his muscles locked so tightly that Tetsurou can't even move him. "Oi Tsukki, can you hear me?"

Tetsurou swears under his breath, and closes his eyes, letting out a calming breath to soothe himself. He can't help Tsukishima if he's worked up and not thinking clearly.

"Tsukki," Tetsurou says, his voice gentle. "I need to go get you help, I'll be right back okay?"

Knowing that he won't get a response, Tetsurou simply goes to leave, but as he swivels to leave a clammy hand clamps firmly around him wrist. Tetsurou turns back to see Tsukishima staring up at him with wide eyes. He's pale and his face is wet and ruddy from crying. He looks terrified.

"N-No, please no! I just… I just…" Tsukishima loses even the stuttered, panicky words as he doubles over, his breath too short and his body shaking out of control. "K-Kuroo… please…"

Tetsurou feels his heart clench painfully. It hurts. To see him like this. But Tetsurou clenches his jaw and steels himself. Tsukishima is having a panic attack, he's seen it before and he knows what he needs to do.

Carefully placing Tsukishima's glasses down, Tetsurou sits down beside him. Setting his hands under Tsukishima's armpits he groans with effort as he lifts the blond over his leg – though he weighs less than Tetsurou thinks he should – and leans Tsukishima back against him. With how tightly Tsukishima is curled up Tetsurou thought it was going to be difficult to wrap his arms around his chest, but he seems to relax marginally at Tetsurou's touch, enough at least for Tetsurou to hold him and pull him into against his chest.

The position is rather intimate. Tetsurou can feel every tense muscle in his back, the ragged way he's breathing and the heat of his body. He can see the light sheen of sweat over the fair skin of his long neck and the way his natural, golden blond hair curls at the ends. Under other circumstances Tsukishima would never let Tetsurou hold him like this and under other circumstances Tetsurou would even enjoy it. But he's too worried for that.

"Tsukki, listen to me," Tetsurou speaks slowly and quietly, his mouth close to Tsukishima's ear. "I need you to focus on my voice. Can you feel me breathing? Tsukki, can you feel the rise and fall of my chest?"

Tetsurou waits patiently for a response. He drops one arm around Tsukishima's waist, tightening his grip, and presses the palm of his other hand flat over Tsukishima's chest where his heart beats rapidly against his palm. Tetsurou breathes deeply against Tsukishima's back, exaggerating the movement for him to feel and hopefully imitate. After a few moments Tsukishima bobs his head, discernible as an affirmation even though he's shaking so erratically.

"Breathe with me Tsukki, in… and out… In…. and out," Tetsurou says. He can feel Tsukishima trying to breathe with him, breath stuttering every now and then but certainly making progress. "That's good Tsukki, keep going. You're okay. Everything is going to be okay. I'm here with you Tsukki, nothing bad is going to happen. You're safe."

He keeps talking, careful to avoid words like 'relax' and 'panic'. Murmuring and repeating simple, reassuring statements and speaking firmly, confidently, persuading Tsukishima. Tetsurou barely notices when his hand starts rubbing comforting circles against Tsukishima's chest. Or when his chin drops onto Tsukishima's shoulder, leaning his head into soft blond curls. Or when his legs automatically curve around Tsukishima's hips.

It takes a few minutes but Tsukishima's breathing evens out and his trembling is less intense. His body relaxes leaning back against Tetsurou. But then he tenses again.

"K-Kuroo-san?" Tsukishima's voice is small and hoarse.

"Mm?"

"Can you let go…?"

 _Shit._

Tetsurou freezes, suddenly very aware of how he's curled around Tsukishima and that it's probably not wanted, no matter how natural is feels. He pulls his hands away quickly, spreading his arms wide and leaning back against the wall, putting space between them.

"Sorry."

"It's okay," Tsukishima mumbles as he sits forward, still between Tetsurou's legs, and relaxes, breathing slowly.

Giving him a moment to collect himself, Tetsurou picks up the black rimmed glasses that usually frame Tsukishima's beautiful eyes and fiddles with the arm. Tsukishima looks up at him, eyes intently focussed on Tetsurou's face, seemingly searching. Tetsurou smiles and offers him his glasses.

"Here."

"How do you know how to do that?" Tsukishima asks, diverting his gaze down to his glasses as he cleans them with the edge of his shirt. Tetsurou glimpses a sliver of pale skin but forces himself to keep his attention on the boy's face.

"My mother has panic attacks," Tetsurou explains truthfully. "I've seen my father calm her a few times."

Tsukishima doesn't react to the words, he simply, slowly, sets his glasses on his face and gazes down at his hands laced together in his lap. It's clear that Tsukishima's is uncomfortable, uncertain. Sitting sideways in front of him, Tetsurou can see the rigid set of his shoulders and the way his jaw sets and resets, chewing back words as he searches for the right ones.

"I… I'm sorry you had to see that, that I burdened you with—"

"Don't," Tetsurou interrupts. He reaches out, fingers curling around Tsukishima's slender forearm and he smiles softly as Tsukishima glances up. "It's nothing to apologise for or be ashamed about. I'm just glad I found you. That I could help."

Tsukishima's eyes widen, staring at him in disbelief.

This close Tetsurou can see the freckles dappled lightly over Tsukishima's nose and forehead, from the summer sun, yearning to touch them. He can see the sharp flecks of gold through Tsukishima's honey brown irises and the darker ring around the outside, and could stare into them for hours. He can see Tsukishima's pulse jumping under the fair skin at his throat and longs to feel it throb against his mouth.

"Why? Why would you do that for me? You could have ignored me, gone and gotten help. I could have eventually calmed down on my own. But you went out of your way for me, you—. Why?"

 _Because I care about you,_ Tetsurou thinks but instead smirks.

"Tsukki, I already told you, I'm always this—"

"No, Kuroo-san. Tell me why," Tsukishima demands sternly, lacking his usual exasperated eye roll or click of the tongue.

Tetsurou swallows hard and allows his gaze drop to Tsukishima's mouth. "Isn't it obvious?"

Tsukishima follows the obvious movement of his eyes. Tetsurou leans forward, slowly closing the gap between them and allowing Tsukishima time to move away, to stop it. But he doesn't. A light flush paints his cheeks but his gaze doesn't waver, holding Tetsurou captive and luring him in.

As their lips brush gently Tsukishima's eyes flutter closed, but, even as he presses their mouths together more firmly, Tetsurou's remain open. He enjoys the softness of Tsukishima's expression, the warmth in his cheeks, the way his long blond eyelashes rest cushioned against his pale skin. Tetsurou lifts his hands, aching to touch and finding the warm skin of Tsukishima's neck and jaw under his fingertips. Tsukishima's lips are pliant under his mouth, so Tetsurou tilts his head and parts his lips as he kisses him again.

Suddenly Tsukishima makes a startled grunting noise and goes stiff, pulling away swiftly. His hand is in front of his mouth and his eyes are wide, he looks embarrassed, cheeks darkening in colour. Tetsurou is worried that Tsukishima hated it, that he didn't want it, that he regrets—

"I threw up," Tsukishima blurts, looking horrified and apologetic.

Tetsurou can't help himself he huffs a laugh and grins, glad that his worries were unfounded. He honestly didn't even notice, but likely would have if they continued. Tsukishima frowns, even more embarrassed by Tetsurou's laugh and quickly transforming into annoyed.

"It's okay Tsukki," Tetsurou reassures, leaning in again.

"No, Kuroo-san, don't be disgust—"

Tetsurou barely stops grinning long enough to kiss Tsukishima's cheek. For some reason this makes him go even redder, more embarrassed by this than the kiss on the lips. Tetsurou hovers, kissing him again, simply because he can and his hands find Tsukishima's waist. Taking advantage of Tsukishima's stunned state Tetsurou wraps his arms around him and rests his head against Tsukishima's neck.

"Wh-What are you doing?"

"I'm quite clearly cuddling you. Really Tsukki, I know you're not the most sociable person but you're not that much of a grumpy old hermit to not know these things," Tetsurou teases, enjoying the feel of Tsukishima's body, long slender limbs that fit effortlessly into his own.

This time Tsukishima does click his tongue. He also, however, relaxes into the embrace, hands awkwardly touching Tetsurou's back.

"You know that's not what I meant. _Why_ are you doing this?"

"Well you should have just asked _that_ in the first place," Tetsurou sing-songs, likely making Tsukishima roll his eyes. But his voice becomes more serious when he says, "Because I really like you Tsukki."

Tsukishima hesitates before quietly saying, "Why…?"

Tetsurou sighs, he expected this, unfortunately. Tsukishima has never thought much of himself, it was one of the first things Tetsurou noticed about him, and one of the things that has always perplexed him. Tetsurou knows that no matter how many compliments he gives Tsukishima, no matter how truthful they are, Tsukishima won't believe him. Self-esteem is not something that can be raised in one fowl swoop, or in this case, one heart-felt confession. Tetsurou is more than willing to spend time to work away at it though.

"Reasons."

He feels Tsukishima's jaw clench against his shoulder. "What reasons?"

Pulling back, Tetsurou meets Tsukishima's gaze, smiling warmly. "If I told you how amazing I think you are, would you believe me?"

"…No, probably not."

"Exactly, so maybe just trust me on this one."

Tsukishima huffs. "Fine."

Tetsurou would tease him about how agreeable he's being but he's still concerned. He cups Tsukishima's face in his hands, he seems surprised by the contact – which is to be expected as they've rarely touched each other before – but gradually leans into it as Tetsurou searches his face.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay."

Humming, Tetsurou runs his thumb along Tsukishima's cheekbone. "You feel warm."

"That's—That's because you won't stop touching me."

Tetsurou smiles. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No," Tsukishima murmurs, barely audible. He seems so flustered and yet is gazing intently back at Tetsurou. It shouldn't be possible to be this adorable and intense all at once.

"I take it then that you return my feelings?"

Tsukishima nods, unable to speak.

Tetsurou's smile turns into a grin. "I'll take that as a 'yes' then, shall I?"

"No, I allow all my friends to touch me like this and kiss me," Tsukishima drawls, sarcasm dripping from his words. More than the acceptance of his feelings, the fact that Tsukishima can be comfortable enough to be his usual snarky self, even while being held by Tetsurou for the first time, makes him incredibly happy.

"I think that's the first time you've called me a 'friend'," he remarks, smirking. "Perhaps, one day, you could see me as more than simply a friend. But that's good enough for now."

Knowing that he's being pushy and forward Tetsurou doesn't say anything more. He wants to, he wants to ask Tsukishima to be his boyfriend, but it's too much and too soon, especially after the way he found Tsukishima. He wants to give him time to consider. Unfortunately time isn't something they have, physically at least.

Tetsurou wraps his arms around Tsukishima's waist and pulls him in close, resting his head on Tsukishima's shoulder. The blond doesn't resist but he does grumble.

"You're very—"

"Touchy, I know, I'm sorry. But you're leaving tomorrow and I won't get another chance. So please Tsukki?"

Huffing a sigh, his arms wrap around Tetsurou, more intently this time. "Fine. But stop acting like one of us is dying."

"But I'll miss you~!" he whines dramatically, then chuckles as Tsukishima sighs again, likely blushing. "I did really have fun training you."

"Training _with_ me."

"No, no, precious baby crow, I was training you. I have given you all the skills to defeat Ushiwaka and meet us on the National stage, young Padawan. The rest is up to you. Whether you—"

"Oh my _God_ , stop!" Tsukishima groans, but his fingers grip tighter at the back of Tetsurou's red Nekoma jacket. "You're so annoying."

The door to the bathroom opens and Tsukishima stiffens against him, but Tetsurou holds him tight and doesn't let him pull away when he sees Akaashi enter. Tetsurou grins at him as the boy's disinterested green eyes land on them. At least he _seems_ disinterested, but Tetsurou recognises the twitch at the corner of his eye that's as good as Akaashi rolling his eyes at their stupidity.

"Finally," Akaashi says dryly. "I'll tell the others I found you, but you really should go eat before Bokuto-san eats all the food."

It's all he says before turning on his heel and leaving. Tetsurou doesn't even have a chance to thank him before he's gone. Tsukishima pulls away, not as forcefully this time, and Tetsurou lets him. He only moves back enough to look at Tetsurou.

"Did Akaashi-san just say 'finally'?" Tsukishima asks, a worried expression pulling his blond eyebrows down.

"Yeah, he knew how both of us felt."

"Damn it, who else knows?"

"Um," Tetsurou mumbles, dropping his gaze guiltily. "I might have told Yaku. But I swear Akaashi found out on his own! That owl is way too perceptive. I had to tell someone, it was killing me to keep secret… Didn't you tell anyone?"

"Of course not."

Tetsurou pouts playfully. "You didn't gossip to your freckled friend about how cute I am or how you like my smile or how you get all tingly when you talk to me?" Tsukishima rolls his eyes and detangles himself from Tetsurou to stand. "I'm hurt and offended."

"You said that about me to Yaku-san?" Tsukishima raises a single eyebrow at him as Tetsurou rises next to him.

 _I told him how I can't stop thinking about you. How I can't stop worrying about you. That I don't want you to leave. That there is too much I still have to tell to you._

"Mm, something like that."

Tsukishima goes to leave. Tetsurou watches the line of his back and can't help but think about the fact that this is the last moment they will have to themselves. At least, for now, until they _hopefully_ figure out a time to meet up. Maybe by then they will be together and Tetsurou can hold Tsukishima as much as he is allowed. Make Tsukishima laugh or roll his eyes at his jokes. Hold Tsukishima's hand and lace their fingers together the way Tsukishima does his own.

But it's too far away. A distant hope. A mere possibility.

Tetsurou grabs Tsukishima's wrist and pulls him back, without hesitation he winds his arms around Tsukishima's neck as he turns around. The sudden movement surprises Tsukishima and makes him tense, but he relaxes under the weight of Tetsurou's embrace, much faster this time.

"Just one more," Tetsurou murmurs, more to himself.

"You're so needy."

He says it as a complaint, but his hands slide gently up and down Tetsurou's back. The movement is soothing and tender, like nothing he's seen Tsukishima do before. Tetsurou smiles blissfully because of it, melting into the touch. It's not unexpected though, he knows Tsukishima isn't the cold, harsh guy he pretends to be.

Tetsurou squeezes Tsukishima's shoulders tightly before detaching himself reluctantly.

"Come on, we should get some food. Just some rice for you so as not to upset your stomach."

* * *

The sun is setting as Karasuno prepare to leave, colouring everything in a warm orange glow.

Kei packs his bag slowly as his teammates jump around him, yelling about how good the barbeque was. He barely noticed. His attention was fixed on the person he was leaving today, the person he didn't want to leave. Kuroo spent more time near him, seeking him. Kei was worried that others would notice but no one seemed to. Despite his worry, he enjoyed the closeness and the attention Kuroo paid him.

With Kuroo came Bokuto though, and with Bokuto came Hinata and Lev. But Kei found that he didn't really care. The three of them were too oblivious to notice the way Kuroo leaned into him or the way they 'accidentally' grazed hands or when Kuroo set his thigh firmly against Kei's as they sat. Such minor touches and small moments, but they set Kei's heart leaping in his chest, and he leaned into it, revelling in it. His skin still feels warm where Kuroo touched him.

Last night, after eating and the numerous concerned questions from Kuroo and then Kei's team – when he gave the excuse of an upset stomach for his absence – Kei fell onto his futon boneless and exhausted. It had been a long emotional day and he fell asleep almost immediately, dreaming about kissing Tetsurou.

Kei barely remembers entering the bathroom, or Kuroo finding him. The first thing he remembers, after leaving the 3rd gym, is being in Kuroo's arms and being calmed by him. Kei will never forget it. The way Kuroo looked after him, murmured beautiful words in his deep voice, rubbed soothing circles against his skin and warmed him through with the mere presence of his body.

Not once since then has Kei felt even a hint of anxiety about not being good enough.

"Tsukki? You ready to go?"

Yamaguchi's voice draws him from his thoughts. He glances up at his best friend, who's smiling down at him, and realises the room is empty except for them. Nodding, Kei rises and they make their way out to the bus.

"You seemed distracted while packing up," Yamaguchi comments and Kei hears the worry in it. "What have you been thinking about?"

"Nothing in particular," Kei mumbles.

"Were you thinking about Kuroo-san?"

Kei stops, eyes widening. "What? How…?"

Yamaguchi turns back to face him, tilting his head as he smiles. "I noticed in our first few days here; Kuroo-san pays a lot of attention to you and last night when Kuroo-san was adamant on finding you and he looked so worried about you, kind of confirmed his feelings. Then today you spent so much time with him and kept glancing at him… It's okay Tsukki, I think it's great! If you are… I mean, you've confessed to each other and are together, right? Is that what happened last night?"

They aren't technically together. Kei could tell Kuroo was being careful not to push a decision on him but to Kei there was no decision to make. He had already decided. Yesterday had been too emotionally draining to express as much though.

"Kuroo-san wanted to give me time to decide," Kei answers truthfully, he doesn't see much point in keeping things from Yamaguchi anymore.

"But you'll accept?"

Kei sighs, gripping the strap of his bag tightly. "Probably."

Yamaguchi beams at him. "Good! I think he'll be very good for you and—"

"Shut up Yamaguchi," Kei says half-heartedly, fighting a smile that's tugging at the corners of his mouth. Instead of giving his best friend the satisfaction of seeing it, he starts walking.

Outside all of the teams have gathered to bid farewell to Karasuno. Hinata and Haiba are in a confusing conversation where words are merely noises, while Kozume is watching Hinata with a small smile. The managers laugh about 'silly volleyball boys'. Sugawara and Yaku are discussing their teams and how proud they are. And the coaches are having a passive-aggressive discussion about meeting again.

Kuroo's in a conversation with Sawamura and Bokuto, but excuses himself as soon as he sees Kei exit. Yamaguchi scurries over to where Kageyama is asking Akaashi for setter advice, bumping into Kei's shoulder meaningfully as he goes. Kuroo grins slyly as he approaches.

"So, you finally confided to your best friend about how amazing I am."

Kei scoffs. "You're so full of yourself."

"One of us has to be full of me… Wait, that came out wrong," Kuroo winces and scratches the back of his head. He actually looks flustered and it makes Kei smile. "Uh, I forgot to ask yesterday. Or, well, any day really. Can I… get your number?"

Without hesitation or answering, Kei holds out his hand for Kuroo's phone. With a pleased smile Kuroo sets it in his palm, fingers purposely skimming across his fingers. Kei enters his details into Kuroo's phone quickly, sending a message to himself and feeling his own phone vibrate in his pocket before handing it back.

"Tsukishima Kei," Kuroo says his name, the sounds rolling over his tongue and making Kei's stomach flip. "Such a pretty name."

Kei's eyes widen, his hand curling tightly, stopping himself from doing something stupid. Noticing the effect he's had, Kuroo's lips curve into a pleased smile. Unlike his smirk, it's genuine and warm. Before he can say anything though Sawamura calls for Karasuno to board the bus and Kei tenses for a whole new reason. Something clenches uncomfortable in his chest and he suddenly feels out of breath. Kuroo notices, because of course he notices.

"It's okay Tsukki, as long as you get through prelims we'll see each other soon. Should be enough incentive to win," Kuroo smirks, but there is a forced twinge in his words. Kuroo swallows hard and then turns his gaze away, to the receding forms of the Karasuno team. "You better get going."

Nodding, Kei goes to leave but Kuroo grips his elbow, fingers squeezing firmly into his arm. When he turns he's met with burning, dark amber eyes. Kuroo opens his mouth to say something but closes it again. He sighs, changing his mind.

"I'll see you soon, Tsukki."

Kei swallows and bows his head. "Thank you again, Kuroo-san."

Kuroo's hand falls hesitantly from his arm and as soon as it does Kei walks away without looking back. He can't. If he does he'll… He can't look back. It's ridiculous. Completely and unfathomably ridiculous.

The others give Kei questioning glances when he's the last one on the bus. Nishinoya demanding to know what took him so long. Kei ignores them, sitting in his usual seat next to Yamaguchi. He folds his fingers in his lap, staring down at them to stop himself from looking out the window at Kuroo.

The bus accelerates to leave but abruptly brakes. Kei thinks little of it, Ukai's not the best driver, but the bus door opens and Yamaguchi bumps his arm.

"Tsukki, look."

Kuroo's in the bus, informing Ukai he'll just be a minute. Hinata is shouting his name and Tanaka is questioning why the 'city boy' is here, but Kuroo's eyes land immediately on Kei and he ignores everything else. He grins, moving down the bus towards him.

"Oi Tsukki, you forgot something," Kuroo says, he takes Kei's hand and sets something small and round and warm in his palm, keeping his hand there. He adds, more quietly, "It's the second one."

When Kei glances back up with a frown Kuroo leans down and kisses his forehead. Kei's whole body stiffens and he feels heat burn rapidly in his cheeks as the bus goes silent around him. Kuroo moves back, grinning broadly down at him, proud of himself. In the absence of Kuroo's hand, Kei's fingers curl instinctively around the object placed in his hand. Without another word Kuroo backs his way to the door with all the eyes of the Karasuno volley ball team on him. He doesn't seem to notice though, smiling giddily at Kei.

Once he's gone Kei feels those eyes turn to him. Most of them seem uncertain how to react. He expects Tanaka and Nishinoya at least to tease him but they stay uncharacteristically quiet.

Hinata harrumphs. "I knew there was a reason he was getting special treatment."

"What is it Tsukki?" Yamaguchi asks, curious but not intrusive.

Remembering the object placed in his palm, the whole – supposed – reason Kuroo had even come on the bus, he uncurls his fingers. As soon as he glimpses the white button he closes his hand tightly around it. _It's the second one._ Kei can feel his heart pounding in his chest, stammering as he forces himself to breath steadily.

"Tsukki?"

"N-Nothing, it was just an excuse," Kei lies, fairly certain that his face is even redder than when Kuroo kissed his forehead. If Yamaguchi discerns the lie he doesn't say anything, simply smiling and turning his attention out the window were houses rush past them, started on their journey back to Miyagi.

Kei clenches his jaw as he slides his phone out of his pocket. Changing the name of the new 'unknown number' he types out a message.

 **[18:57] Me**  
 _I'm going to murder you next time I see you!_

As soon as he sends the message he can practically see the smug smile on Kuroo's face and refuses to acknowledge the pleasant twist of his stomach at the image.

 **[18:57] Bedhead Asshole**  
 _you'll have to come see me to do it, so i look forward to it ^_^_

 **[18:58] Me**  
 _Why the ever living fuck I want to be your boyfriend I will never know._

 **[18:58] Bedhead Asshole  
** _does that mean you accept tsukki?!_

Kei sighs, rolling his thumb over the button that's still warm from being in Kuroo's hand. How long had he been holding it? Is that what he had wanted to do when he stopped Kei? What gave him the confidence to walk onto a bus full of teenage boys and practically, overtly, confess his affection for Kei?

 _Because I really like you Tsukki._

 **[18:58] Me  
** _Yes._

He's already decided after all. Everything Kuroo does, no matter how annoying, he can't help but find endearing. He can't help but want more. _I really like you too Kuroo-san,_ Kei thinks, wishing he had the confidence to say those words, to express how he feels. Maybe, one day.

 **[18:58] Kuroo  
** _good, i'm glad 3 i miss you already tsukki_

Heart skittering at the words on his screen, Kei turns off the display. He tilts his head back against the headrest and presses the Kuroo's second button firmly into the palm of his hand. Kei's uncertain he'll be able to let it go.


End file.
